Space… the final frontier. In this case, it might also be the final nail in the coffin of your relationship.
A girlfriend who asks for ‘space’ is looking for something completely different. She might also use the phrase ‘time apart’ or something like ‘slow things down for a while’. But no matter how she says it, what your girl says – and what she actually means – are two entirely different things.
What it Means When Your Girlfriend Wants Time Apart
A breakup is pretty cut and dry. You stop dating, you stop seeing each other, you stop sleeping together. Both of you walk away, on different paths, in different directions, to complete the rest of your lives without each other.
A “break” is much, much different. Any time your girlfriend asks for space, a break, or time ‘off’ from each other, she’s really asking for two things:
1) She wants the freedom to do whatever she wants, without answering to you anymore. And yes, this includes the possibility of her seeing other people.
2) While she does this? Your girlfriend wants you to wait around for her like a complete, total chump.
Yeah, that’s right. You’re supposed to sit around like a good little boy until SHE decides when she’s had enough space. You can’t ask when the break will be over, because she “doesn’t know”. Every time you call or text her she’ll tell you you’re bothering her, and you’re not giving her the ‘space’ she’s asked for.
As time goes on you’ll wonder where she is. You’ll be dying to know the status of your relationship. Are you broken up? Is she seeing someone else? You’ll feel hopeless and powerless, an emotional wreck that can’t even get a status update on whether or not he has a girlfriend.
THIS is what you have to look forward to when you agree to give your girlfriend ‘space’.
What to Do When She Tells You She Wants Time Apart
If your girlfriend wants to take time off from your relationship, you have to call her bluff. It’s that plain, it’s that simple. Anything else you might do, such as agree to throw your relationship into a giant volcano of limbo, is only going to drive her further away… or permanently away, depending on how things go.
She wants time apart? Tell her she can have ALL the time in the world, because you’re not waiting around.
She wants space? Give her so much space your girlfriend starts getting paychecks from NASA.
It’s a simple counter-rejection technique that immediately stops your girlfriend in her tracks and blows up any lame plan she may have had. She sits you down to tell you things are too stifling for her, and she wants some room to breathe (or whatever) and you simply tell her this:
“Yeah, nah, no thanks. I don’t DO the whole ‘time apart’ thing. Either you date me or you don’t. Those are your choices. Because I’m sure as hell not hanging around for some stupid ‘let’s give each other a break’ crap.”
As your girl stands there trying to pick her jaw up off the floor, tell her to take it easy and walk away. BOOM! You’ve just destroyed anything and everything she wanted to do during the ‘break’, because as of this moment, you turned it into a breakup.
Now you’re thinking “this isn’t what I want.” I get that. But you know what? It’s not what SHE wants either. Which is why doing it this way is such an effective tactic. Instead of being defensive, you’ve completely taken the offense. Instead of being subservient to what she wanted, you just reached out and seized all the power.
Why Rejecting the ‘Break’ Always Works
Think about it this way: if your girlfriend wanted to break up with you, she would’ve. She would’ve sat you down and told you it was over, completely and fully, and then she would’ve walked away.
But that’s not what happened. It’s not what she did. Instead of breaking up with you, she told you she wanted ‘time apart’. This is wholly different, and here’s why:
When your girlfriend asks for space it’s because she’s not sure she wants to break up with you. Essentially, she’s giving the breakup a trial run. If she misses you and realizes she still wants you? All she has to do is tell you the ‘time apart’ is over. You come running back, and everything’s the same as always.
If however, during the trial breakup she decides she doesn’t really need you? You’re gone. The relationship is over, and the most evil part of the whole thing: she might not even tell you when it’s over. Your girlfriend might start seeing some other guy, or dating someone else, and rather than have the awkward conversation of “hey, we’re broken up now” she’ll leave you hanging there in relationship limbo wondering when – and if – she’s ever going to come back.
Screw all that.
Rejecting the ‘time apart’ thing works because you’re showing STRENGTH. You’re not laying down and letting her run over you. You’re demonstrating a backbone, and you’re telling her “Hell no, I’m not going to sit around like a chump while you make all the decisions regarding our relationship”. You’d rather lose the entire thing than give her 100% of the power.
So what does your girlfriend see? She sees a guy who’s essentially independent. A guy who might not even need her, at least as much as she thought you did. All of a sudden your happiness doesn’t fully depend on her. Your stock just went up. You just became a hell of a lot more desirable as a boyfriend, and as a MAN.
What to Do if You’re Already on a Break
Now if you’re already on a break? You’re in trouble. Luckily though, you’re not completely lost just yet.
If your girlfriend already put your romance on ice there are instant reversal techniques you can use to immediately switch the situation around. Some of these require contacting your ex, so make sure when you do that you know when to do it, and exactly what to say when you call.